darness
and i wish it was all simple and dandy.but i think too much most of the time, all of the time.
o wells.
so the third week has arrived and time seems to zoom by like nobody's business, which then again is really nobody's business.
so here i am, not yet studying, nor doing anything constructive.
din get the danang trip.
and sumhow my mind comes up with weird scenarios tt might happen here n there.
kicking of art paintings wad nots.
and some ppl are just too uptight, then again, mayb im too upbeat wadeverish.
o wells.
shall attempt to pack the wardrobe this weekend.
o ya za tinted moisturiser gives u flawless skin.
cool dope.
then again, considering how little i use such stuff, it cld have dried up by the next time i use it.
stilllll.
would love some form of happiness in my life now.
rahhhh
10:55 PM
Thursday, August 21, 2008
the life.
so i thought, or always thought. the husband loved the wife. and they love the kids.u see the point here is, i always believed that the marriage was about the couple and not the kids.
the boyfriend, believed the wife and the kids were of equal importance, and he loved both. which kinda freaked me out big time. am still experiencing the tremors.
i wldnt want a marriage sustained because of the kids.
it just wldnt work.
how could be of equal importance to the ones i gave birth to.
it felt like part of me owed the love showered on me to them.
and i din want it to be that way.
i want to marry the man who loved me for me and would want to spend his life with me.
with me, and not the me because i was the woman he had his children with.
i would love my kids.
but shldnt i be loving the man more then them too.
you're spending ur life with me, and not the kids aint it.
yes they will be part of our lives, and we will love them.
but sumhow it feels now the marriage seems solely to be able to create them.
and im dreading such feelings.
i guess.
its hard.
to find the one who wants to spend his life loving u.
on a sidenote, i know the boyfriend loves me, i love him too.
mayb in a different way from wad i expected.
rahhhh
10:45 PM
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
random un-sleep-pi-fying night.
cldnt get to sleep.decided to write a lil.
draw a lil.
surf a lil.
thinks starting sch is different suddenly.
shld let go of things stuck in my head.
shld dream a little.
breathe more.
looked thru the daily dosage of fashion blogs as usual.
got down to packing the room, though it still is in a horrendously clutter like state.
just got reminded of the zouk flea i din go.
just din ask anyone.
wasnt in the mood i guess.
my clothes are piling up.
like seriously.
but i cnat stop gettin this peice tht might come in handy and that peice that looks so fab.
shld concentrate on saving up for a good bag.
o wells.
shld get a nice notebook or sth.
copying notes might turn out to be a happier task.
o ya.
sewing classes.
why on earth did i manage to score a tutorial on the day i SHLD have no sch.
darn-ness.
would really like the boyfriend to be back soon-ner.
rahhhh
2:32 AM
Thursday, August 14, 2008
like her.
its upsettting when.they say u shld dress like sumone else
they say the boyfriend shld b with/given to sumone else
they say u shld be more like her
i dont want to and wont be her.
rahhhh
2:59 PM
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
grappling with issues of love in all sorts.
if im gentler.you will love me more.
if im kinder.
you will love me more.
if im prettier.
you will love me more.
if im wittier.
you will love me more.
if im friendlier.
you will love me more.
if im me.
will you love me more.
